Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
