Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
