Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
