After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
