May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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