Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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