she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
