I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
