Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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