Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
