'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
