i will never coherently bang her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
