I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
