I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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