The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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