I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
