Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
