Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
