i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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