Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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