is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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