whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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