I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
