I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
