Cold hands, warm shart.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
