I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
