so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
