Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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