pop tarts are not kleenex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
