she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
