How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
