you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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