Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
