I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
