I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
