i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
