All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
