I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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