i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just cropdusted the office
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
