Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
