I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
