the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
