Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
