the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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