Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
