You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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