I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
