I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
