I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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