i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
