Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
