i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
