i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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