so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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