so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
