I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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