im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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