I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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