we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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