wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
