Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
