I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
