smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
